what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
