I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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