he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
