I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
