Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
