I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
