How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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