yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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