1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
