I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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