he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
