She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
