I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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