I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
