when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
