God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
