youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
