Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
