All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
