Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
