puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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