Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
