I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
