What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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