Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
