Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
