She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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