She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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