I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
