I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
