i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
