She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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