quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
