apparently the secret to your success is patron
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
