shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
