Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
