D3 body, D1 cock
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
