Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
