DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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