Whod you bang
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
