Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
