Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Green mimosas i think yes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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