I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I supernannyed him into submission
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
