someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
