Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
