There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
