Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
