dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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