I don't think brook has ever known best
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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