Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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