I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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