It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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