Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
