Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
