This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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